Sunday, April 20, 2014

Experiences and good advice from cassandra niki

Reacting To The Bad Things People Say About You

Hello again dear readers,

Life at the bay has been hard on me the past month, but it just started to get going and good. I've been exploring many new places, meeting a lot of interesting people and basically doing a bunch of school projects I hope to share with you soon.

Although, I just recently had to discover someone, whom I thought was my friend, saying such horrible things about me behind my back. Now, things like these, I have no idea how to approach it.

Since being a child, I've heard many things I wish I never heard, but growing up taught me to somehow block it all. I got used to discarding things I don't like to hear. So, usually, hateful comments never really bother me.

I've been called some pretty awful names; slut, poser, fake, copycat, cheap, ugly, skeleton body, boobless, inconsiderate, boyfriend stealer - just to name a few. But seriously, I never really cared. Since people that label me those words, barely know me at all.

It's interesting when people call me names like "fake" or "poser" since my life is, literally, an open fucking book. There's nothing you can't find out about me. You can google me and learn so much shit about my life. Buy my book and literally, open it and know it all. When I meet strangers, I openly tell them anything. There's nothing you can't find out about me, there's nothing I hide. I enjoy being open about the stuff I love, hate or am indifferent about.

If you think I "stole" your boyfriend, maybe you should rethink the relationship and rather than calling people names, how about understanding why your boyfriend is so easy to "steal". If you think I'm a slut, well, sexuality is part of being human. I ain't ashamed of that and it seems like you got a lot of growing up to do. And people that still use the phrase "copycat" are fucking hilarious; it's almost impossible to be 100% original, don't expect me to believe that you invented that haircut or that poem you wrote was not inspired by anything you've read in the past.

It's interesting when people call me "inconsiderate", because really, I'm just being honest. I'm a very honest person. I'm a Sagittarius if you can't believe me. I tell the brutal truth to people's faces, because I treasure honesty - lies, in the end always hurt. That's just the kind of friend I am. I'm honest as in, I'll let you know if that dress makes you look fat or if that song you like is the most horrible thing I've heard. Ok, on second thought, I might be inconsiderate.

But still, when I think we're friends, I would never ever ever ever say shit behind you. When you fuck me up, I'd probably still love you and have your back.

I'm pretty realistic too, which is why I don't really have best friends. I have a comfy amount of good friends and that makes me happy enough. I understand people change, people grow up, people move away. I don't hold on too much on friends, because independence is a lovely thing. And expectations, always leads to disappointment. Which is also why, I let go of friends when I think it's necessary, avoiding to become frenemies. I'm always open to friendship but I'm pretty chill if we don't talk on the phone everyday. You can do whatever you want, and I'll be here when you want to talk. But the thing is, when I trust you and believe that we actually have a friendship, I expect you to respect and appreciate me and everything we shared.

I really don't know how to approach this, how to react, how to feel and what the fuck I should say to this particular person. But here's what I know for sure, when you talk shit about my dead father and my family, you're a fucking asshole and I hope that you step on a lego and get a STD.


Deep thoughts, detailed from Hannah Al Rashid from her blog "a Child of all nations"

Religion. Politics. Pancasila. Ignorance.

Today I read an interesting article online. Reading it fuelled a fire already burning within me on a topic that gets me perfectly agitated. Many say that Religion is an issue that is highly sensitive for most people, and is therefore one that should be avoided. Now, when you add Politics into the fire, you pretty much know you’re going to get burned, and no one gets out of that looking pretty.

I found the article whilst checking a friend’s Twitter Timeline. The caption read “Indonesia Is No Model For Muslim Democracy” and was written by Andreas Harsono, a researcher for theAsiadivision of Human Rights Watch, and published in The New York Time’s Opinion Pages.

It’s a great article. And it speaks a lot of truth about a country and a people, I myself, have on occasion lost faith in. It begins with a quote from Hilary Clinton,

“If you want to know whether Islam, democracy, modernity and women’s rights can coexist, go to Indonesia.”

I used to believe this.

Growing up in London, as an Indonesian Muslim, I prided myself on the tolerant and moderate stance most Indonesian Muslims take. On various occasions I saw my country being referenced by the British media as a model of ‘good’ Islam, one that is not extremist, and one that the Middle East should follow. Activities within the Indonesian community were always well-balanced, all religions and cultures were celebrated. My favourite example will always be one of the Sarjana family, a Balinese Hindu family. Om and Tante (aunty and uncle) Sarjana would open their house to all and celebrate all religious holidays with the entire community, Eid, Christmas or Nyepi, everyone would get together, eat and be merry. Now thatis, for me, the perfect example of Indonesian religious tolerance and celebration. The thing is, from my experience, Indonesians abroad and Indonesians back home are often polar opposites. Unfortunately, I have met very few families like the Sarajanas, in Indonesia, who are as tolerant and as hospitable.

Before moving to Indonesia, I would have agreed entirely with Hilary Clinton. But then I moved to Indonesia…and I was suddenly led along a path of religious destruction hahaha

It’s funny how I had to move to the largest Muslim country in the world to lose faith in my own religion. After 2 years of torturous, non-stop clogs turning in my head on the subject, I have come to the conclusion that, it’s not God that I lost faith in, but my fellow Muslim brethren. And I think, with perfect validity.

I agree with almost everything Andreas Harsono writes in his article. Seeing Muslims in this country makes me sick to my stomach. And seeing the government use Islam as a tool for their own sinister agendas brings a sense of frustration I never thought I would ever feel. I must say before I continue, that of course not allMuslims in this country are like that, I don’t believe that at all, it’s just unfortunate that the media highlights shit Muslims as opposed to good ones.

Religious discrimination is rife in a country whose national constitution is supposed to support religious freedom. Let’s look at the philosophic foundation of the Indonesian state, Pancasila.
Belief in one God.
Just and civilised humanity
The unity of Indonesia
Democracy guided by the inner wisdom in the unanimity arising out of deliberations amongst representatives
Social Justice for all of the people of Indonesia

I urge you to read the article, or continue to follow local media reports, and try and see for yourselves which ‘principles’ of Pancasila are actually followed.

A belief in One God is the first principle of Pancasila, yet it appears the government, in their actions and policies, and who also by the way, supports the activities of extremist groups such as FPI (Islamic Defenders Front), are picky about which ‘God’ we’re talking about. If you worship the God of Islam, life is easy for you and you are free to live life in accordance with your religion without trouble. If you are non-Muslim, prepare to have it hard. The continuing saga of the HKBP Filadelphia congregation of the Batak Christian Protestant Church in Bekasi, makes me fucking furious. A few days ago, during worship, they had stones and bags of urine thrown at them by members of FPI, and the police stood by and watched. Is there anything Just or Humane or Civilised about this? Erm, Social Justice? (That’s principles 2 and 5 of Pancasila crossed out then)

I don’t think there’s any point in me trying to break down principle no.4 of Pancasila (Democracy); the comical and ‘no-backbone’ theatrics of our politicians and president speak for themselves. I think it’s possible to say that the fundamental principles that this country built itself on are DEAD.

Not being a fan of politics, although having studied a far bit of it at University, I have little hope of things getting better in Indonesia. During the last presidential election, I even began to think that the Indonesian system is perhaps too democratic, the amount of ‘caleg’ and visible presence of election campaigns across the country was ridiculous to say the least. Every Tom, Dick and Harry suddenly became a ‘caleg’. There’s the term ‘spoilt for choice’, and we were indeed spoiled with SHIT choices.

Sometimes I think my momentary (well it lasted close to 2 years to be honest) loss of faith was a huge blessing. I began to question everything, and there is never anything wrong with questioning things or with a continuous longing to seek knowledge. Knowledge about everything, about all religions, not just those that were prescribed to us at birth. To my knowledge (please do correct me if I am wrong) religion in the Indonesian education system is taught in a segregated fashion, Muslims are taught about Islam, Catholics are taught about Catholicism etc. Perhaps this segregation plays part in the birth of narrow-mindedness, intolerance and blatant religious discrimination in this country.

In London, from an early age, all religions are taught to the entire class. London is a melting-pot of cultures, races and religions, and our religious education represented this. I learnt about Christmas and Easter, about Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism and in turn, about my own Prophet Muhammad. An in my adult life, I made it a point to read about other religions, because for me ignorance is not bliss. Being ignorant about anything in this world is for me, a sin, and I have an insatiable thirst to learn about as many things as I can before I leave this world. I credit my open-mindedness about religion to my early exposure to people of all religions in school, but also through my home life. My father’s family is Muslim, my mother’s family is Catholic, but my mother converted to Islam, and I was raised as a Muslim, but I celebrated Christmas, as well as Eid, as a child, but that’s another story I will save for another blog post. What I’m trying to say is that the government, whether intentionally or not is keeping its people ignorant, and ignorance is what fuels the inhumane and uncivilised behaviour or people like the FPI.

FPI or Front Pembela Islam, may as well stand for Front Pembela IGNORANCE.

And with that, I will shut up, and pray (in whatever way I see fit) and urge you to pray (to whatever entity you believe or do not believe in) for a world less cruel, and harmony and humanism as opposed to chaos in our beloved Indonesia.

source :

Saturday, April 19, 2014

memories are like sunshine

I am ready to meet you,moon. I wont sleep with sadness.

I will quietly fall asleep with peacefulness.

I believe that memories are like sunshine.

They warm you up, and left a pleasant glow.
You even couldn't hold them.

But one thing that I love about sunshine is.. always there in everyday

Thursday, April 10, 2014

We are stranger but with memories

In your dreams were made illegal by the laws of lesser evil we call life but not tonight, cause I dare you to love. I call you back now & I end up. How it feels? hell. Your voice comes thrashing wildly through my quiet bed. Through timeless words and priceless pictures.
There comes a time for us to part, Then right back to the start.
I know what I'm supposed to do to get myself away from you that I used to be when it was you and me.
you really drain my soul and even though it hurts I can't slow down, walls are closing in. Whispers of tomorrow echo in my mind.
Strong..Since I been flying and riding the wrongs. it feels almost like I had it all along.
oh.. don't mind my nerve, you could call it fiction.Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions. It's not a bird, not a plane. It's my heart and its going gone away
I could never call you mine 'Cause I could never call myself yours.  if we were really meant to be, well then we just defied destiny It's not that our love died, we just never really bloomed

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Life fulfillment dan enjoyment

"It's not what you are good at, it's what you enjoy the most"

Ditemukan Dalam suatu artikel, yang memuat tentang dirinya lewat interview eksklusif dengan Author buku Carrer Snippet, Rene Suhardono. 
Jerry Aurum memaparkan sebuah gambaran tentang passion yang mendasari awal pembentukan karirnya. 

Life fulfillment dan enjoyment selalu mendasari setiap tindakan dan inisiatif dalam diri seorang Jerry. Karyanya pun merefleksikan nilai nilai yang dia yakini. 
Seakan uang dan ketenaran tidak perlu dituju, keduanya hanyalah salah satu wujud apresiasi terhadap karya dan kontribusi. 
Berikut cuplikan artikel tersebut...

What your passion? 
My passion is all about creating. In my line of work, I choose photography as my main interest. Why? It just comes from within. Something that I enjoyed starting doing since day one and slowly become better in it. But I have learned that I never  want to be trapped in my self-created box. I also enjoy designing, architecture, writing and movies. They all contribute knowledge and imaginations one to another, and keep fulfilling eaclch other every time I get better in one field. 

What made you decide to do what you're doing right now?
It's not one day decision. It's kind of trial and error combined with courage, risk taking and irresistible urge to keep doing it. Besides, I felt like my creator has given me a little bit of talent in my profession, so it never really give too much thoughts on my reasons anymore, it's more about how I can improve myself and my team every time we have project obstacle.

Youa are a well-known designer and photograper - how do you balance between the need to make yourself a better person against your "eksternal archivement" 
In a creative field like I do, I believe that you can't do a better work if you fail to make yourself a better person. Once you lose interest, your work will look crappy. So self development is equally as important. We have to remind ourselves that many other things are also nice besides our passion. 
And the best part is whatever nice may always contribute back to our passion. It's never a waste to take a couple of months off for creative mind.

Setelah membaca artikel tadi, tentu banyak pemikiran yang membuat saya, lebih wise dalam mengambil sudut pandang suatu situasi yang tengah saya hadapi sebelum-sebelumnya. 
Segala hal yang saya jalankan akan lebih nikamat bila di samping itu terdapat passion yang mengiringi.
Intinya kerjakan / buatlah hal apapun yang kita suka dan nikmatilah itu, untuk hasil dan penghargaan tentu dikesampingkan dahulu, agar hasil yang akan kita terima dalam prosesnya bukan hanya sekedar dinilai baik, tapi kita juga dinilai berkompeten dalam hal tersebut. 

Good Father

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
          - John Mayer, Daughters -

Ayah membelikan aku sebuah laptop berwarna merah muda, aku ingat betul waktu itu kenaikan kelas sebelas. Aku memang minta dibelikan laptop untuk kebutuhan tugas sekolah.Tanpa bersusah payah merayu, ayah langsung ganti baju untuk mengantarkan aku ke sebuah acara pameran komputer di Gramedia expo, saat itu aku tinggal di Surabaya. 
Sesampainya di acara pameran, aku berkeliling melihat - lihat display laptop yang di pajang.
Sungguh banyak dan bagus - bagus, apalagi warnanya.. bikin makin bingung mau beli yang mana. 
Tiba - tiba Ayah membawaku ke salah satu sudut etalase, ada Laptop berwarna pink soft dengan layar 14 inch. Tanpa banyak bicara aku langsung manggut - manggut meng-iya-kan tawarannya. 
Dengan perasaan bahagia, aku peluk erat -erat laptop itu di perjalanan pulang hingga sampai dirumah.
Beberapa bulan setelah pembelian laptop ini, aku memang sangat merasa terbantu karena tugas - tugas sekolah dalam bentuk power point dengan begitu mudahnya aku kerjakan. 

Sore menjelang maghrib Ayah pulang kantor, dan memanggilku untuk datang ke ruang tengah. Ternyata aku di belikan laptop lagi dengan spec yang lebih canggih dan merk yang lebih bagus, laptop itu limited editon khusus bulan Februari bertepatan dengan perayaan Valentine, warnanya merah muda menyeluruh sampai bagian dalam keyboard nya, sungguh laptop yang bagus. Tapi aku agak kesal mengapa ayah begitu boros, padahal laptop yang sebelumnya, baru aku gunakan sekitar tiga bulan.
Bukan hanya itu, dia membelikan mouse, sd card, card reader, penyambung tambahan usb, dan headphone yang semuanya berwarna senada, yaitu merah muda. 
Ayah mungkin berpendapat bahwa aku menyukai warna itu, sebenarnya aku lebih suka warna coklat. Tapi semenjak ayah membelikan aku barang - barang berwarnah merah muda, aku jadi mulai suka warna merah muda

Ayah selalu membelikan barang - barang yang bagus, padahal aku belum memintanya, ayah selalu ingin memberikan barang yang istimewa. Ayah sangat memanjakan aku, tapi setelah aku beranjak dewasa hingga lulus SMA, aku membuat suatu pilihan sendiri untuk kelanjutan pendidikan. 
Aku memutuskan untuk kuliah di salah satu perguruan tinggi di tanah kelahiranku di ibu kota. 
Kejadian yang aku ingat adalah ketika kedua orang tua mengantarkan aku ke bandara, saat menunggu take off ayah sama sekali tidak mau duduk disampingku, beliau malah berdiri di suatu sudut. Mungkin ayah takut apabila ia tidak dapat menahan air matanya untuk melepas keberangkatan anaknya.
Kontras dengan mama yang sedari tadi sudah terisak - isak tangisnya. 
Tapi saat ini, saat aku menulis ini, malah aku yang susah payah untuk menahan air mata. 
Aku sendirian disini, tanpa mereka. 
Sulit untuk menangisi hal yang tak seharusnya di tangisi. Aku tau aku rindu.
Semoga Tuhan selalu ada untuk mu, Ayah dan Mama.

Rumahku adalah dimana ibuku berada

karena saya begitu menyayangi dia sehingga saya ingin dia sempurna, rasanya memang menyakitkan kalau cinta kita terlalu besar,
aku selalu berusaha untuk bangkit dari bayang-bayang masa lalu dimana dulu dia berteriak disertai nafas yang kembang kempis entah karena nada bicaranya bersemangat atau kehabisan nafas akibat emosi. baru aku mengerti di saat umur berjalan di angka belasan, dia adalah orang dewasa dan aku balita nakal yang suka bolak-balik tangga. Benar saja kepalaku bocor dan meninggalkan bekas luka di alis mata sebelah kiri hingga sampai saat ini terpajang disitu. ia terlalu bermakna untuk di acuhkan, terlalu dekat untuk di jauhkan, terlalu mustahil untuk di lupakan terlalu berharga untuk di tinggalkan, terlalu berarti bagiku sampai harus mendoa’kannya di setiap shalat lima waktuku.
maaf, maaf ma.. aku sekarang sudah enambelas tahun sudah duduk di bangku SMA, sudah tidak ada lagi yang perlu di cemaskan dari anak tangga yang ujungnya meruncing dan anak yang tidak bisa dinasehati dengan kata halus , walau begitu dia tidak pernah membuat luka di tubuhku dengan tindakan gelap mata, meskipun nanti masalah yang di temukan akan datang dengan penyelesaian yang makin sulit.
bentakan yang menyebalkan merupakan peringatan, omelan tajam yang keluar dari bibir tipis itu adalah tanda cinta, ucapan yang dikeluarkan adalah doa, semua hal, semua perlakuan, apapun kelakuanya adalah semata kerena ketulusan jiwa raganya demi anak yang dia jaga di dalam perutnya selama sembilan bulan, untuk nyawa yang pernah ia bendung di dalam kesakitan tubuhnya bahkan dialah satu-satunya manusia di bumi ini yang menyayangi nyawa ku melabihi nyawanya sendiri, meski dia adalah bukan gambaran ibu impian yang selalu membelai rambutku disaat aku sedang duduk berdua di ruang tv namun dialah seseorang yang tidak pernah menuntutku untuk menjadi sempurna, dengan memberikan nafasnya untuk aku nafaskan.
Sudahlah... aku terlalu lelah dengan rasa benciku dengan aturannya yang selalu bilang " pungut kotoran yang jatuh di lantai , kalau jijik dengan semut yang bergerombol" " bersihkan centong jika masih ada sebutir nasi yang menempel" , " buang sisa makanan ke tempat sampah setelah mencuci piring agar tidak menyumbat saluran air", "habiskan air yang sudah di tuang ke gelas jangan suka membuangnya" "rapihkan botol sampo dan puff ketempatnya seperti semula , 10 menit cukup untuk mandi sampai bersih" , "jangan lupa lap kaki setelah dari kamar mandi , kalau tidak mau jatuh seperti kemarin". (sempurna.., logika ini membuat mataku terbuka)
Sekarang saatnya anak perempuan bersahabat dengan ibunya seorang malaikat yang mengorbankan sayapnya untuk menjadikanku manusia, lalu bagaimana? segera berbaik-baiklah dengan dia, dan penuhilah wajahnya dengan seribu ciuman, selagi kita masih bisa mendengar suaranya yang tidak enak didengar itu, selagi dia masih mampu repot-repot menceramahi dengan mulut yang berbusa, berdamai, dan mulailah hidup dengan cinta yang sempurna, cuma dia ibu kita, mau dicari keliling dunia tetap kita merupakan "cetakan" yang telah di stempel dengan cap yang telah melekat di diri kita.